Fuck, everything hurts. I'm so tired, I have so much to do and at the moment I'm trying to suppress all the crap that has happened to me over the past year. I don't know why its all coming back. Ashley has been contacting me about a letter or something that got delivered for me and now I have to go in and see her tomorrow about it. I'm completely dreading it, I wish she would just leave me alone and stop trying to drag all this mess up again. It may be just a game to her but it really screwed me up.

I love Will at the moment, he's actually amazing and I've been so happy with him. I don't know what else to say about this, its just incredible. But we don't have enough time to ourselves, and we don't have enough sex. God, I'm always striving for something better.

Listening to the red house painters right now0 the most beautiful lonely music. Although its making me reminise about Ois. I went to a bonnie prince billy gig the other week, as I was queing to go in a boy caught my eye who looked like oisin, but perhaps more dangerous, more sinister. Maybe I'm a sadist, but I was immediately attracted to him. Once we got in I noticed him standing near me, getting closer and closer, then we started talking. It was the most intense gig of my whole life. We went for a drink afterwards, and now we're emailing, but I'm more intrigued by him than he is with me. He's scottish, has the sexiest accent. I just want to get involved with him, even though I never will and this is the stupidist idea ever. It made me feel nice though that my life wasn't sad, that exciting things can still happen. I feel like I was just getting used to that and it all got taken away again. But I suppose its better that way, no one can live with itchy feet all the time.

Wow just wow.

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